Thank you for your application to join society! Everyone is obliged to join, but before we proceed further, please answer the following questions so that we may better serve you by establishing your societal rank and emotional needs so that we may manipulate you efficiently. Great! Please fill in the blanks below:

My name is: _____________________________________________

I was born in:____________________________________________

The number by which I am identified is:__________________ [I have provided a:  (circle one) federal government identification number supplied at birth/ state driving license number/ military service number/ credit card number/ international travel document number/ insurance identification number/ tax identification number/ medical care number/ street address number/ IP address number/ retirement fund number/ employee identification number/my middle finger digit]

I get my sense of identity from: ________________________________________________ which is in reaction to: _______________________________________________________

What else can you tell us about yourself? ______________________________________________________________________________

In what ways do you feel socially inferior? ___________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________

Anything else? ___________________________________________________________________

With what entity or organization do you prefer to filter your relationship with God?

_______________________________________________________________________________

What tools do you use to sedate your life experience? Please choose from: food, talking, sleeping, music, drinking, drugs, sarcasm, work, social causes, academic pursuits, sports, other? Please explain.

_______________________________________________________________________________

In what ways have you established your superiority in relation to your  society co-members?

_______________________________________________________________

What makes you and your work culturally appropriate and original?

_______________________________________________________________________________

How do you have sex? Circle all that apply: (sex with my hot honey/ sex with my hot homey/ staring at hot bodies walking by/ my car is really curvy and i wash it a lot/ i manicure my lawn/ i have intellectual intercourse/ sex with my eyes/ i got this vibe thing i give/ i watch tv with beautiful caring people on the screen/ make up stories in my head about someone who turns me on/ i please myself whenever i want by myself, so there/ everything in my life is sex/ what do you mean fulfill? wait, how do i get fulfilled?/ i'm a tantric master and stuff so this question is like a little fly to my dinosaur of knowledge, piss off.) Please explain!

_______________________________________________________________________________

What populace or entity sponsors your daily meals?

______________________________________________________________________________ 

What kind of stuff do you have? Please check all that apply: helicopter/ house/ roof/ permanent or semi-permanent walls/ waterfront property/ car/tennis court/ swimming pool/ yacht/ boat/ canoe/ boogie board/ water wings/ espresso machine/ dishwasher/ washing machine/ wine glasses/ dryer/ hair dryer/ laundry line/ bed/ mattress/ kitchen sink/ running water/ double shower heads/ pots/ forks/ toilet paper/ cardboard/ black marker/ rice/ dried beans/ lice remover comb/ plywood/ fishing net/ shopping cart/ prosthetic limb.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how good are you at making fun of people?_____

On a scale from 1 to 10, how insecure are you with your physical appearance? _____ 

Thank you for filling out the application! We'll be sure to get back to you with products you'll crave and a constructed sense of self with which you can further misrepresent yourself.

Also, we may be able to offer you a write-up explaining your superiority over other humans, should you prove to hold the necessary level of desperation and anxiety about who you are.